Radios In Motion / X-Wires / This Is Pop? / Do What You Do / Statue Of Liberty / All Along The Watchtower / Into The Atom Age / Set Myself On Fire / I'm Bugged / New Town Animal / Spinning Top / Neon Shuffle

White Music sounds exactly like a debut album should. It overflows with youthful exuberance, and the sound of a band discovering recording studios for the first time. From the classy new-wave melodicism of "Statue Of Liberty", through to the quirky spazz-out of "X-Wires" and the spooked out Eno-isms of "I'm Bugged", White Music is the sound of genius learning to walk. It also features the definitive version of "All Along The Watchtower" - yeah, Hendrix was brilliant but he didn't have a mad keyboard player like Barry Andrews. If only Bob Dylan were dead (I can dream), he'd have rolled in his stupid nasal grave.

2. GO 2 - 1978

Meccanik Dancing (Oh We Go!) / Battery Brides (Andy Paints Brian) / Buzzcity Talking / Crowded Room / The Rhythm / Red / Beatown / Life Is Good In The Greenhouse / Jumping In Gomorrah / My Weapon / Super Tuff / I Am The Audience

Overall, Go 2 is perhaps not as stunning as its predecessor. I put this down to the inclusion of 2 songs not written by either Andy Partridge or Colin Moulding. Barry Andrews certainly knew how to get some fucked-up noises out of his keyboard, and yes (yawn) Shriekback made some interesting records, but back in 1978 Barry should have been locked in the cupboard until he promised to stop writing songs. "My Weapon" is a lame, new-wave atrocity, "Super Tuff" is a prime example of what "cod-reggae" means. Very poor indeed. The rest of Go 2 is fan-arsing-tastic, so a couple of duds won't spoil your enjoyment. Again, as punk died on its arse, XTC still showed signs of the adrenalin and energy that informed all the best punk records, and tracks like "Meccanik Dancing" and the atheists' favourite "Jumping In Gomorrah" were as wired and lively as one could hope for. Add to these the wonderful "Battery Brides", the Joe Jackson-minus-the-crap "Crowded Room" and the unnerving "I Am The Audience" and you have bloody excellent album no.2. Onwards and upwards……

3. DRUMS & WIRES - 1979

Making Plans For Nigel / Helicopter / When You're Near Me I Have Difficulty / Ten Feet Tall / Roads Girdle The Globe / Real By Reel / Millions / That Is The Way / Outside World / Scissor Man / Complicated Game

This is the album that should have sent XTC off into the poposphere, filling stadiums and gracing the covers of every magazine in the world. No such fucking luck. Still, Drums & Wires is one of the best records ever made, which is in itself some kind of consolation. Includes "Making Plans For Nigel" one of only three XTC singles which can be reasonably described as "hits", along with some of the most inspired and exciting guitar-led tunes ever to approach my one good ear. "Helicopter" is insanely catchy, "Roads Girdle The Globe" is lumpy and threatening, "Scissor Man" is a twitching mess of melodies and impossible guitar hooks, and "Complicated Game" is my favourite XTC tune EVER EVER EVER. Featuring quite possibly the best guitar solo of all time, "Complicated Game" is one of many golden moments showcasing the indisputable six-string talents of Dave Gregory (replacing Barry Andrews). Mr Gregory has recently left XTC - amicably of course - but this album will be ample explanation as to why so many fans of the band are completely GUTTED by his departure.

4. BLACK SEA - 1980

Respectable Street / Generals & Majors / Living Through Another Cuba / Love At First Sight / Rocket From A Bottle / No Language In Our Lungs / Towers Of London / Paper & Iron (Notes & Coins) / Burning With Optimism's Flames / Sgt Rock (Is Going To Help Me) / Travels In Nihilon

XTC's increasingly muscular live sound reached its peak on this 1980 album. Spawning a second hit "Sgt Rock", Black Sea sounds confident and cocky, the sound of a band preparing to make it to the very top. Ha ha, fat chance. Despite the apparently bleeding obvious (i.e. XTC are great), Black Sea failed to set the charts alight, but perhaps this is no real surprise, as some of the band's most awkward and difficult material can be found here. Apart from the usual array of instantly memorable tunes ("Towers Of London", "General & Majors"), XTC's fourth album touches upon darker territory than usual. Both "Travels In Nihilon" and "No Language In Our Lungs" saw the cheery vibe of the first two albums kicked soundly across the room and stabbed in the eyeball. The former, a behemoth of twisted, tribal psychedelia, remains one of the most frightening and affecting songs of the last forty years. The latter was deeply unsettling, and ranks as one of XTC's most sombre moments. Overall, Black Sea is often viewed as the album most representative of XTC's live sound around this time. Andy Partridge went stage-crazy shortly after, and the clangs and thumps of the first four albums dwindled accordingly.

5. ENGLISH SETTLEMENT - 1982

Runaways / Ball & Chain / Senses Working Overtime / Jason & The Argonauts / No Thugs In Our House / Yacht Dance / All Of A Sudden (It's Too Late) / Melt The Guns / Leisure / It's Nearly Africa / Knuckle Down / Fly On The Wall / Down In The Cockpit / English Roundabout / Snowman

Arguably their finest hour, "English Settlement" sounds as fresh and thrilling now as it did in 1982. Now firmly entrenched in studio-land, XTC were beginning to experiment more and more, and the dazzling array of styles and moods across the tracks of this album remain definitive proof of the band's skill and imagination. Drummer Terry Chambers would soon abscond, disillusioned with the lack of live work (amongst other things no doubt), but the creative core remains to this day, and "English Settlement" was perhaps the band's first flawless creation. There are no weak tracks here, and numerous classics. "Runaways" is one of Colin Moulding's best ever songs, "Senses Working Overtime" was the last of the genuine hit singles and "Jason & The Argonauts" is a work of such exquisite brilliance that I have to hear it on a regular basis just to remind myself what genius sounds like. "All Of A Sudden", "Yacht Dance", "Snowman" - these are classics all. Few bands have written this many great songs over an entire career, let alone on one album. An essential purchase.

6. MUMMER - 1983

Beating Of Hearts / Wonderland / Love On A Farmboy's Wages / Great Fire / Deliver Us From The Elements / Human Alchemy / Ladybird / In Loving Memory Of A Name / Me & The Wind / Funk Pop A Roll

There is much debate among the XTC faithful as to whether "Mummer" is a weak link in the band's recorded history. I'm not entirely sure why this is, but I have to confess that unlike most XTC albums, this one does have at least one real stinker on it. "Wonderland" is atrocious, easily the weediest thing Colin Moulding has ever written, and proof positive that losing Terry Chambers wasn't an entirely effect-free event. Apart from that, however, "Mummer" is an absolute gem of an album. From the weird dubbadelia of "Human Alchemy" to the disgracefully unsuccessful single "Great Fire", XTC's sixth album was a little trickier to get into, but all the more rewarding for it. "Funk Pop A Roll" is Partridge at his sharpest, while "Love On A Farmboy's Wages" is as sweet and affecting as anything in the band's not inconsiderable back catalogue. This isn't the best XTC album, but it has certainly been sorely under-rated.

7. THE BIG EXPRESS - 1984

Wake Up / All You Pretty Girls / Shake You Donkey Up / Seagulls Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her / This World Over / The Everyday Story Of Smalltown / I Bought Myself A Liarbird / Reign Of Blows / You're The Wish You Are I Had / I Remember The Sun / Train Running Low On Soul Coal

If you thought "Mummer" was a disappointment, then "Big Express" could have sent you either way. If not, then this should be one of your favourite albums of all time. Eleven stunning tracks, with not a dud in sight. Even the needlessly cheerful "All You Pretty Girls" will grow on you after a while. "The Big Express" was hardly greeted with rapturous applause upon its release, but I can't think of a single reason why this should have been the case. For anyone who loves pop music, in its truest sense, here were tunes to kill for. "This World Over", on most planets would be a number one single, "You're The Wish You Are I Had" is up there with Brian Wilson's finest, and the thoroughly majestic "Train Running Low On Soul Coal" is one of the most fantastic songs ever committed to tape. If you ask me, The Beatles were rarely this good. Again, this is not XTC's best album (a scary thought for the band's non-existent contemporaries), but its combination of sheer pop exuberance, and the intelligence and emotion we've come to expect from Partridge & Moulding make this a worthy addition to even the most cynical of record buyers' collections.

8. SKYLARKING - 1986

Summer's Cauldron / Grass / The Meeting Place / That's Really Super, Supergirl / Ballet For A Rainy Day / 1000 Umbrellas / Season Cycle / Earn Enough For Us / Big Day / Another Satellite / Mermaid Smiled / The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul / Dying / Sacrificial Bonfire

For those not firmly entrenched in the "English Settlement" camp, or those, like me, for whom "Drums & Wires" is top of the XTC canon, "Skylarking" would seem to be favourite for "best album" status. And it's not entirely surprising, because this is an incredibly strong and coherent body of work which bears countless repeated listenings and which rarely fails to twang the heartstrings. Immaculately, and apparently arduously, produced by Todd Rundgren, "Skylarking" is THE sound of summer, with its birds, breezes, beers and (b)insects (oh well, nice try). At times it sounds almost as if XTC were conforming to their own stereotype - the quirky, eccentric Englishmen strumming acoustics by the village green - but in truth this was an album that they simply had to make. "Summer's Cauldron" through to "Sacrificial Bonfire", all these songs are hugely memorable and have the most exquisite and "Christ, why didn't I think of that" melodies in recent memory. The lyrics are similarly great, and both Partridge and Moulding were clearly on the toppest of forms. "Dying" is one of the most sob-inducing songs I've ever heard, and "That's Really Super, Supergirl" is refreshingly daft. If you only buy one XTC album in your sorry life, make it this one.

9. ORANGES & LEMONS - 1989

Garden Of Earthly Delights / Mayor Of Simpleton / King For A Day / Here Comes President Kill Again / The Loving / Poor Skeleton Steps Out / One Of The Millions / Scarecrow People / Merely A Man / Cynical Days / Across This Antheap / Hold Me My Daddy / Pink Thing / Miniature Sun / Chalkhills & Children

It's always hard to top a masterpiece, but following on from "Skylarking", XTC came mighty close with this double album of eclectic psychedelic pop classicism. The first single from it, "Mayor Of Simpleton", should have been a huge hit but obviously wasn't. US College radio got the message though, and XTC have enjoyed a relatively high profile on that scene pretty much ever since. For those of us who knew the score, "Oranges & Lemons" was yet more brilliance from a consistently brilliant group of musicians. Classy tunes like "The Loving" brush shoulders with the Beatles-esque "President Kill" (basically Sgt Pepper in four minutes), the cheeky "Pink Thing" (ostensibly about Partridge's baby son; actually about his penis - well, I like to think so anyway) and the African-tinged "Hold Me My Daddy". Summed up perfectly by the opening "Garden Of Earthly Delights", "Oranges & Lemons" was the album that should have made XTC a shitload of cash. Yet again, the media had Satan's cock down its collective throat and so another latterday work of genius was lost to all but the most sensible record buyers. There's still time to catch up you know!

10. NONSUCH - 1992

The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead / My Bird Performs / Dear Madam Barnum / Humble Daisy / The Smartest Monkeys / The Disappointed / Holly Up On Poppy / Crocodile / Rook / Omnibus / That Wave / Then She Appeared / War Dance / Wrapped In Grey / The Ugly Underneath / Bungalow / Books Are Burning

Until the new album comes out, allegedly some time in 1999, "Nonsuch" is the most recent XTC stuff we have to listen to. As with "Mummer" there seems to be some debate as to its status in the pantheon of XTC releases, but to this humble consumer there is very little here that fails to inflate my proverbial dinghy. Seventeen tracks, none of which suck, and numerous of them classics, "Nonsuch" is a fitting end to the band's association with Virgin Records. As well produced and lovingly compiled as any XTC album, this is best heard from start to finish. Arguably, the best bits are at the end. "Wrapped In Grey", another number one that never was, "Bungalow", Moulding's finest hour for many years, and "Books Are Burning", a perfect concluding track, are as good as anything the band have yet produced. Their understanding of what makes a good tune, a compelling arrangement, or an engaging lyric has not been at all diminished in the twenty years since "White Music" was released. By the sound of the rumours, the new material will have us all dribbling with elation. I can't wait. Come on in, the water's lovely.

11. APPLE VENUS VOL.1 - 1999

River Of Orchids / I'd Like That / Easter Theatre / Knights In Shining Karma / Frivolous Tonight / Greenman / Your Dictionary / Fruit Nut / I Can't Own Her / Harvest Festival / The Last Balloon

...and how right I was. An astounding piece of exquisite pop wizardry, "Apple Venus Vol.1" has already received more attention than any XTC album I can recall, and it's not surprising. These are tunes worth killing small puppies for. If you're not entirely convinced then check out the following review, also available for your edutainment at the very wonderful website The Laminated Cat.

XTC - Apple Venus Volume One (Cooking Vinyl)

As a self-confessed worshipper at the temple of Sabbath, it may come as a surprise to some of you that I am not completely averse to a bit of what was once referred to as "popular music". In fact, I'm often heard whistling a merry tune, in between bouts of frenzied screaming and headbanging, in a style vaguely reminiscent of the never popular Roger Whittaker. The chances are that the happy melody in question will be by XTC. The single most disgracefully under-rated pop group that the UK has ever produced, and, in my not-particularly-humble opinion, the only serious contenders to The Beatles' "best songwriters in the world.... ever!" crown, XTC have been making effortlessly brilliant albums for over twenty years now. Their appalling lack of commercial success has always been something of a mystery, and so it has come as a great relief to the band's legion of devotees that "Apple Venus Volume One", the band's first album since leaving Virgin Records looks set to be one of their most popular and successful releases to date. A new label, Cooking Vinyl Records, have already put far more effort into promoting XTC than their old employers ever did, first releasing the wonderful "Transistor Blast" 4 CD box set, and now providing the world with this frighteningly good collection of songs. Now reduced to a duo, following the departure of guitarist Dave Gregory, XTC have long been masters of the art of tunemongery. "Apple Venus Volume One" may well be the closest these Swindonian maestros have come to achieving pop perfection - it really is that good.

As usual, this latest XTC album is dominated by the songs and voice of renowned awkward bastard Andy Partridge, his partner in pop, Colin Moulding, contributing just two of his own songs (along with, it has to be said, some stupendous basslines and harmonies elsewhere) to this eleven-part feast of melody. Such is the effortless splendour of "Apple Venus Volume One" that I feel compelled to approach it track by track, so here goes...

The first song, "River Of Orchids", is absolutely fucking phenomenal. Beginning with a watery and welcoming "plop" and developing gradually into a complex but irresistible maelstrom of strings, parping trumpets and hippopotamus bass, this is as close to classical music as pop has any right to be, and it's stunning. Numerous vocal melodies and hooks interweave as Mr Partridge proclaims his love of the great outdoors, and his contempt for its wilful destruction by motorists and town planners, with some truly inspired lyrical gems along the way. Few ostensibly "pop" artists would dream of attempting something so experimental, let alone putting it right at the start of the album, but then XTC are not your average dumb pop band and "River Of Orchids" works so brilliantly that its unconventional form doesn't sound at all in appropriate.

Next up is the fluffy and whimsical "I'd Like That", touted as a possible first single and already receiving airplay in the US, a typically gentle love song with some sweet, but far from sickly, lyrics and some splendid leg-slapping percussion. Divine harmonies descend from on high, and an unexpected splash of jazz chordage arrives at the end of the chorus, instantly elevating this simple ditty well above the rest of today's pop quagmire and into the realms of genius. Marvellous.

"Easter Theatre" is next, and is arguably both the best thing here and quite possibly the best song Partridge has written to date. With pinpoint precision, the Partridge muse conjures up the best aspects of both Beatles and Beach Boys, while simultaneously urinating on the entire solo output of all their members combined. Paul McCartney really should be making records as good as this, but he doesn't. Quite why not is anyone's guess, but you'd have to go back to "Abbey Road" to find anything approaching this level of songwriting skill and with the added bonus of some sublime orchestral arrangements and a flawless production job, this song deserves to be regarded as a true modern classic. Such is the lot of XTC that it probably won't be - no, there is no God! - but I firmly believe that it is only a lack of exposure keeping this band from thoroughly deserved wealth and fame.

"Knights In Shining Karma" also paddles tentatively in Beatles fluid, recalling John Lennon's "Julia", only with added punnery. Far from being plagiaristic, Partridge's skill lies in his ability to write emotive music significantly without ever falling into the schmaltz trap, while deftly re-working the subtle nuances of his most obvious influences into new and interesting forms. Well, something like that....

The first of Colin Moulding's two contributions is next. "Frivolous Tonight" is yet another quirky gem from the obscenely gifted bass player and as with "Bungalow", from 1992's "Nonsuch" album, it's a pleasantly old fashioned pseudo-knees up which tugs a forelock in the general direction of Ray Davies without actually sounding like any particular Kinks tune. Somewhat lightweight in comparison to most of Partridge's songs, Moulding's latest creations are generally well-observed vignettes of English life, his West Country tones adding a refreshing down-to-earth charm to proceedings, nicely offset on this occasion by an unmistakable air of Vaudevillian whimsy. Apparently.

"Greenman" could well be the only song here with real single potential. Like Kula Shaker with brains, this track has immense charm from start to finish, the Eastern vibe fitting beautifully with the lyrics' seemingly pagan themes; Moulding's impeccable bass work squelching and popping in the mid-ground, propelling this highly danceable tune along with some measure of exuberance and swagger. Nice one. With a bit of crafty editing, this would sound fantastic on the radio and would surely fit in with much of the overtly tune-based pop music currently residing in the British charts (only ten times better, natch). Were it not such an objectionable thought, I would dance to this like a deranged hammer-thrower.

"Your Dictionary" must rate as the vitriolic singalong to end them all. Spelling out the emotional aftermath of a disastrous marriage, Mr P's lyrics are as personal as can be, and yet there is much here to which we could all relate. Rumour has it that there are two sides to every story, but since I don't remember ever having spent an evening basking in the musical outpourings of Andy Partridge's ex-wife I can't really summon up the energy to give a monkey's about whether this song is fair or not. Whatever the truth may be, "Your Dictionary" is a simple but effective demonstration of how to vent one's spleen using only a guitar and a big bag of resentment. The chiming Brian Wilsonisms of the unexpected coda add an extra dimension of artistic cheek, and the whole thing is executed with dignity, albeit with a fair amount of internal foaming at the mouth. Gorgeous.

Track number eight is "Fruit Nut", the second of Moulding's songs and by far the daftest thing I've heard all year. Yes, it's a song about gardening and nurturing fruit trees, containing the immortal line "a man must have a shed to keep him sane". Wise words indeed, if a little unfair to the shed-dwelling women present. Either way, this is an insidious little bleeder, with its slightly mad tootling refrain and much talk of spraying buds and the like, which will stick in your head for days. Unless, of course, you don't fancy buying this album, in which case there is no hope for you anyway...

Many people would argue that employing Mike Batt to do your orchestral arrangements is tantamount to creative suicide, but away from his more Womble-related activities Batt is a major sax & violins wizard. "I Can't Own Her" is one of many deeply affecting songs on this album, but it is the delicate use of strings which raises this up to classic status. The introductory chords alone are enough to have me blubbing like a big girl, and from then on Partridge's inspired lyrics are left to shine, with ample room to breathe amid the exquisite score, resulting in a genuinely beautiful whole which improves with each listen. Jesus H. Partridge, I love this song. You can almost hear Sting and Phil Collins scrabbling at the door like desperate hyenas (what do you mean, you've never heard a desperate hyena? You ain't lived, buddy!). "Oh please Mr Partridge, write us a song!". Tell 'em to fuck off, that's my advice. In the hands of XTC this is a work of art, in the hands of AOR slags it would be a very different story.

"Harvest Festival" conjures up some of the least exciting aspects of my childhood, not least those majorly uncomfortable canvas chairs that primary school teachers forced me to permanently scar my arse with, back in the late 70s. Another lilting slice of razor sharp nostalgia, this song is worth hearing for the recorders alone - memories of my mum teaching countless poor sods how to cover the right holes with the right fingers come screaming back to haunt me - a vile racket in any other circumstances, but here an inspired embellishment which should send many a shiver down many a spine. However, the question remains, what exactly did happen to all those tins of food? My guess is that the vicar was spared a month of trips to Sainbury's, but then I always was a bit cynical...

Finally we reach "The Last Balloon". A more perfect finale would be hard to imagine, and given all the delights that have passed before it is even more astonishing that XTC managed to hold this one back so long. A gentle, melancholy waltz, "The Last Balloon" suggests to Mother Earth that since we've spent hundreds of years battering the crap out of the planet, she might be better off cancelling the post-nuclear evacuation and dropping the lot of us on our stupid, selfish heads. It's a fair point and although I have made it sound somewhat less moving than it actually is, this final tune is in many ways the epitome of what XTC have always stood for. Peace-loving men with respect for their surroundings and fellow humans may not be the most radical of social groups, but it's so refreshing to hear such honesty and weary resignation at a time when most pop stars are too scared to deviate one inch from the media-created zeitgeist (whatever the rat's cock that means). Perhaps this is why XTC seem destined never to truly break through into the mainstream; they're simply so good at what they do that the majority of people wouldn't be able to cope. After a diet of toenails and maggots, a top quality pie might be more than your digestive system can take, if you know what I mean.....

So it's a brilliant album. An astounding album. A big, spangly pile of glittering jewels touched by the hand of genius and thoroughly shafted by the gilt-edged penis of quality tunesmithery. If you love pop music then you owe it to yourself to hear this album. Mug a few children if you have to, but get yourself a copy. I can confidently predict that whether this makes XTC a shitload of money or not, there will be many people for whom this album remains a firm favourite for many years to come. Believe what I say, cybergeeks, for I have heard pop perfection, and it's name is "Apple Venus Volume One". I thank you.(10)